Unlock the Editor’s Digest for free
Roula Khalaf, Editor of the FT, selects her favourite stories in this weekly newsletter.
The writer is research director of the Centre for Social Justice, a think-tank
The launch of the John Lewis Christmas advert is slowly becoming as much part of the national calendar as Wimbledon and Trooping the Colour, and this year’s tear-jerker is a classic of the genre.
Its beating heart is the repairing of a relationship between a father and son. As a father of teenage boys, it hits hard. But it has surprised me how many mothers have sent it to me — the message resonates with them, too.
There seems to be a growing shift in the national mood around this often complicated dynamic. The ad is one of several recent television moments reflecting on the father-son relationship. The most viewed UK programme in 2024 was Gavin & Stacey: The Finale. An audience of nearly 20mn watched patriarch Mick Shipman offer the voice of wisdom at the crucial moment. Larry Lamb has said playing Mick made him “a better man”. In children’s TV too, Bandit, the father figure in the Australian animated series Bluey, has been central to the show’s runaway global success.
Over the past year, the Centre for Social Justice has been running a research programme we call the Lost Boys. This looks at the underachievement of boys in school, their place in the workforce, why so many die young and their over-representation in the criminal justice system. But of the millions of words we have read and written, five really stayed with me: somebody will father your son. They explain why a void in good parenting makes space for so many negative and damaging influences, in the real world and online.
“Your son is going to become someone — he is going to grow up. His character will be formed by someone,” writes US author Jon Tyson. This simple framing goes to the heart of many of the problems boys and men face today.
A teenager in the UK is now far more likely to own a mobile phone than live with their dad. In fact, 2.5mn children do not live with any father figure, that’s one in five of all dependent children. Almost a third of UK primary schools have no male teachers at all.
Boys look to be fathered, and when they find no one who can perform that vital role for them at home, or school, or clubs, they move on to the ones we don’t want — the local gang or the “manosphere”, the dubious online realm of influencers pushing a very narrow definition of masculinity.
Sonia Shaljean, who runs the mentoring charity Lads Need Dads, calls this vast, unmet need “father hunger”. Across decades in social services, addiction recovery and with ex-offenders, she noticed the common thread of father absence. But she also works closely with mothers. The importance of fatherhood is not a criticism of mothers at all — they are often at the acute end of fatherlessness in their families; they see its effect on boys and often pick up the pieces. They know just how much difference a good father can make.
The good news is that much great work is already happening, we just need to multiply it. The government has pledged to invest £1.5bn over three years into local family hubs. The best of these encourage all their family services to “think dad”. I’ve attended low-cost, high-value antenatal classes in NHS hospitals aimed specifically at new fathers, giving them space to talk about their hopes, fears and expectations. Nor is it just about what government can do. I’ve lost count of the mentoring charities, sports clubs and youth centres we’ve seen where men are stepping up, giving their own time to father boys who may not have that guidance at home.
I hope the John Lewis ad enables the retailer to reach its festive financial targets. But more than that, I hope it shines a light on the power of fatherhood. Putting dads back in the picture is not a slight on mums. We don’t want a return to patriarchy. But this recognition must be taken to heart: that our sons will be fathered. If not by us, then who?
