MAFS 2022 left audiences scratching their heads after groom Andrew Davis mentioned the term pegging on the show.
In short, Davis explained to his on-show wife, Holly Greenstein, that he’s generally super sexually explorative, but that there is one thing he will never do.
“There are some things off-limits. Like, no pegging. I’m not going down that road with you,” he said.
Apparently, this confused Greenstein who admitted she “had to google” the act. Seemingly, many audience members did the same. If you too are a little unsure about what pegging is, how it is done and what it’s like, Hugh Crothers, founder of intimacy brand drip, has offered some insight.
So, what does the term ‘pegging’ mean?
Some of you may be familiar with the term pegging and its meaning because of its appearance in the series Broad City. (The long and short of it is that Abbi tries out pegging with her crush and neighbour but then proceeds to ruin the whole thing by destroying his custom-made dildo in the dishwasher.)
For those who are completely new to the term, Crothers explained, quite simply that:
“Pegging (a term coined by American podcast host and journalist Dan Savage) is a sexual act defined by the use of a strap-on and anal sex. It has nothing to do with gender, genitals or your sexual orientation“.
Why you might like it
The enjoyment of sexual acts is going to vary considerably for every person. But in the case of pegging, like many forms of anal play, “it can be an extremely pleasurable and orgasmic experience because of the type of stimulation for both the giver and receiver,” Crothers shared.
On top of just being a purely physically pleasurable act, Crothers added, “pegging is a great way to challenge heteronormative gender roles in a relationship, it also allows you to get to know your partner on a much more intimate level”.
“There’s a sense of power dynamics at play with many finding it empowering, thrilling, kinky, vulnerable or submissive depending on who is doing the pegging and who is receiving,” he said.
It’s not for everyone, sure. But it’s something loads of people, unsurprisingly, really enjoy.
What to know before trying out pegging for the first time
If pegging sounds like something you and your partner are both interested in trying, Crothers has pulled together a list of tips to help guide you through the process.
“As a gay man, here are my top tips if you’re ready to explore being pegged,” he said.
All below quotes are attributed to Crothers.
Step 1: Communication & Consent
Communication around consent is your number one priority before engaging in any sexual activity. All parties involved should have an open discussion about what they’d like to experience and share any concerns they may have about pegging before you get started.
Remember that consent isn’t consent unless it’s clear and enthusiastic, and anyone can change their mind at any time. That’s where the communication part comes in handy.
At drip, we believe in frictionless experiences, so anything that creates a barrier between a consenting individual and their ability to experience pleasure should be addressed beforehand. I personally like to chat with my partner outside of the bedroom, which can help us be more open.
Step 2: Hygiene
You and anyone you’re engaging in butt stuff with needs to be okay with the possibility of poo. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it’s just the reality of playing with butts.
Being open about it and having a partner who doesn’t grimace or shame you (or your bum) is better than any douching or dietary strategy. If you can establish this level of trust and rapport with a partner, you’re setting yourself up for some beautiful butt play.
First-timers might feel more comfortable with a poo and a shower before ass play. Having a towel ready will help you stay in the moment if things get messy as you go.
Step 3: Relaxing
You’ll want your partner to take a gentle pace and start by stimulating the area outside of your butt. It’s important that they take their time here. External anal massage and rimming can be a really connective, relaxing and pleasurable experience.
Have your partner use lube on you and explore different strokes, gentle and light or deeper massaging strokes. Be really clear with yourself and your sexual partner, that this part is not for penetration, it’s for relaxation, pleasure and getting connected to your body.
Let them know what feels good and what doesn’t, and remember to go at your own pace. It’s not a race, and every part of the process can be pleasurable if you ease in and listen to your body.
Step 4: Penetration
This is where lubricants become really important and you want good quality and plenty of it. While you’re familiarising yourself with this experience and learning to relax, you’ll need to reapply lube regularly.
drip has recently launched a range of locally-made products including a water-based lube and oil-based lube to help ‘reduce friction’.
- Water-based lube: a non-sticky and both taste and smell-free so you can focus entirely on the moment at hand. Suitable for sensitive skin, it’s as versatile as you are.
- Oil-based lube: Certified organic with all the benefits of coconut oil but liquefied for easy use and lubrication. It can be used for massage, play and even as a moisturiser.
I cannot stress how important lube is when it comes to pegging. Butts don’t have natural lubrication and you want things to be smooth and slippery if you’re inserting anything up there. You’ll need to reapply, so have lube handy under a pillow or on a bedside table.
Once you’re feeling relaxed, aroused and ready for penetration, let your partner know. The key is for them to go as slow and gentle as they can. Some bottoms find that focusing on breathing helps – try taking some slow, deep breaths to centre yourself.
Be vocal. Let them know how it’s feeling, whether it’s ok for them to penetrate more. The person pegging can’t feel what you’re feeling, so let them in and give them as much information as possible so you can find your groove together.
There’s no timeline for this, and it’s totally okay to have your partner remove themselves if you need to take breaks.
Your partner can start by gently easing in, with relatively still penetration and as you feel ready, begin exploring movement and slightly different directions and positions.
Everyone’s bodies go at a different pace, so let go of any idea of what you ‘should’ be experiencing and keep experimenting in ways that feel comfortable to you. Noticing what’s happening in your body and communicating and responding to what you’re noticing are essential skills to develop.
Finally, just as important as going in slowly is coming out slowly. Let your partner know to be super gentle with their movements as they come out of you. Once again, they can’t feel what you’re feeling so remember to communicate so they can be guided by you and what feels comfortable.
Step 5: Aftercare
Aftercare is important after being pegged as it can be emotionally and physically intense, particularly if this is a new experience. Check-in with each other on how the experience was and what you would like to do differently next time.
Some people like to be held after being pegged, some just need to lay and recuperate. It’s really normal to need a bit of reassurance and comfort if you’re getting pegged for the first time.
Make sure your partner knows that you might need them to cuddle you, stroke your hair, be the big spoon etc. Some people enjoy the aftercare just as much as the act of pegging, see what feels right for you. Your butt might be a little sore afterwards, some pawpaw ointment, moisturiser, a warm bath or shower can help.
Also, make sure to clean your toys. To help keep everything hygienic, use a toy cleaner spray on the dildo before and after every use. Try using drip’s antibacterial toy cleaner spray, it’s latex toy safe and kills 99.% of germs, ensuring your toys are ready to report for duty whenever you need them.
Step 6: Exploration
Once you’ve developed enough comfort and relaxation in your body, you’re set up for your partner to do more intense exploration and discover where your pleasure points are.
This might take days, weeks or months depending on your appetite for pegging and anal play. While you’re starting out, play with different toys, speeds, vibrations and mix anal play with other, more familiar types of stimulations.
And there you have it. A basic introduction to the meaning of pegging. If this has inspired a want to explore a little more in the bedroom, may we suggest checking out a yes/no/maybe list to help you figure out what works for you and potential partners next?