“The Season of the Ex” is coming.
I repeat! This is not a drill!
This means you could very soon hear from old lovers, friends and people from the past. Whether that makes you want to vomit or get teary-eyed with hope, we’re all going to be facing a nostalgic couple of months.
For years, I have coined the term “the season of the ex” in all of my astrology work to reference a very unique phenomenon that takes place once every 18 months. It’s actually called Venus retrograde — and it’s when our planet of love, relationships and beauty turns backward in the night’s sky. I just think “the season of the ex” is a bit more playful and gets the point across pretty quickly.
In the many years that I have done personal readings and public events for celebrities and people worldwide, one of the most common questions I get asked is: “Will my ex return to me?” It’s a deeply sensitive question to ask because, at the base of the matter, people (whether they’re famous or not) want hope that their love was not a waste. They want to believe that they can find those beautiful moments they once shared with someone they cared for once again. I’ve been in that position many times, and it’s because it takes me a while to open up my heart, but once I do: I will give you everything. And I do — but I have lost love with people I thought were going to be beside me forever, too.
It’s a part of life, unfortunately, but it happens to help us to evolve, know who we are more clearly and understand our needs in relationships on a more authentic level. Sometimes that ex who lingers in your DMs (or in the back of your mind or sex dreams) is simply there because you’re lonely, your pride is damaged and you want “to win” — or you really want to get laid again. (Guilty!)
But sometimes it’s because the connection you shared isn’t over yet.
What is Venus retrograde?
First off, there’s a lot of information you can learn that will give you some back story on what planetary retrogrades are, how to use them for good and what Venus in Capricorn (where the entire retrograde phase will take place) means for you.
When this planet moves backward in the sky for roughly six weeks, we often see exes and old relationships resurface for us to gain closure or rekindle them. We are being given a genuine opportunity to pause, reflect and decide which of these past connections we’d like to integrate into our lives.
However, we also often look at everything that Venus rules (beauty, love, profit, intimacy) through rose-colored glasses, meaning that we aren’t seeing those aspects clearly. Thus, it’s not the time to get married, start a relationship or change your appearance.
Will your ex or ‘the one who got away’ come back to you?
Venus retrograde often causes twin flames, soulmates, karmic connections and past-life relationships to re-enter your awareness. One thing I have learned about love is that, more often than not, when people separate, they do so for a reason — and rarely do they actually reunite completely down the line.
However, I have also found that sometimes people go their separate ways to grow on their own, and if they do that — entirely focused on their own individual evolution — when they cross paths once again they are actually better partners for each other than they were the first time around. That is the only way that an ex can be true love and also be a healthier counterpart the second (or third) time around.
My ultimate guidance, though, is to never open the door and let toxic love or relationships back in just because you hoped they’ve changed. Take your time. Let people show you who they are now through action, not just by words. Do not let your emotions (or sex drive) blind you. You are worthy of the greatest love to ever exist. Never forget that.
How can you heal and move on for good?
The best way to utilize Venus retrograde is for closure, healing and release. This means that if your ex starts sneaking into your DMs with hilarious memes, puppy GIFs, nostalgic songs, “u up? Miss you!” texts or (rolls eyes) d–k pics — they want your attention.
And, in reverse, if you’re the one who is trolling over your old hoes: liking their pics, shooting off fire emojis on their stories like it’s going out of style and dropping selfies in the text chain just to make them thirsty — you want their attention. Having someone’s attention is a form of power, which is often why we engage in these kinds of dynamics with exes, in particular. It’s because we’re seeking validation, we want resolution, and we hunger to assert our dominance in a situation that was riddled with rejection. That isn’t healthy, even though it can be a ton of fun. (It’s not my fault my exes can never get over me.)
The best thing to do is to own up to your feelings about the pain and disappointment, process it and move on. Sometimes sitting down to clear the air with that ex-lover or friend can be helpful, but — more often than not — it further complicates emotions and the gray area of where the two of you stand. When people love each other and share a connection, that creates a bond of energy that is very hard to break. That’s why we see scorned lovers and allies become our most vengeful enemies.
My advice to you is to break that cycle and forgive them — and yourself. Once you do that, you’re free of the cycle and will feel lighter. You are now on a path to greater love — for yourself and others — still to come.
When is Venus retrograde happening next?
Buckle up, because it’s going to get nostalgic up in here real fast!
We will start feeling the vibes approaching as soon as Venus begins to slow down in the sky — which will occur on Nov. 17, 2021. From then until Dec. 19, we will begin to notice people, projects and situations from the past starting to pop up.
However, the actual Venus retrograde phase begins on Dec. 19 and will last until Jan. 29, 2022. That is when the nostalgic energy will be most intense for us.
Finally, after she awakens on that later date, she will still be groggy until March 1, 2022! In this final chapter of “the season of the ex,” we will sort out everything that happened in the previous months and decide how we’d like to proceed.
Do not be afraid. You will get through this — and even though it may bring back ghosts of the past, it is your decision if you choose whether to be haunted or to instead bury those memories once and for all.
Kyle Thomas is a globally recognized pop culture astrologer who has been featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine, ABC Television, Hulu, Bustle, Elite Daily, House Beautiful, Marie Claire, YahooNews, MSN and more. He is known for his cosmic guidance for celebrities, business executives and prominent influencers. His work harnesses the power of the stars in regards to entertainment lifestyle and trends affecting people worldwide. For more information, visit KyleThomasAstrology.com.