DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T think straight since falling for a woman who goes to my gym. We planned a future together — until her husband died.
I would never describe myself as happily married, but I never strayed in ten years of marriage — until I met this woman.
Our affair started before the pandemic. We both loved circuit classes and often went to the pub afterwards with a whole gang of us.
After one impromptu drinking session we walked to the train station together.
She quietly slipped her arm around my waist and I couldn’t help but pull her in close for a kiss.
It was so passionate. We were soon meeting on our own.
Then after one brilliant workout, we went to a hotel room together. We couldn’t hold off any longer and had sex three times. We both agreed it was the best sex we had ever had.
I am 34, my wife is 32, and we have a daughter who is five years old. Although we were good friends to begin with, we are so distant now.
This woman, who is 27, and I had made plans to leave our homes and set up together. We both told our other halves at the same time.
My wife was devastated and desperate to keep the family together. So, we’re currently sleeping in separate rooms.
My girlfriend’s husband, who is also 27, was destroyed too but she insisted on moving out to stay with a friend. A month after she left, he took his own life.
Now everything has changed. I don’t see her any more and she often ignores my calls and messages.
Our gym hasn’t been open in the past few months. The only way I can see her is by looking at her Instagram feed.
I’d like to move in with her but I’m not sure her heart is mine any more.
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DEIDRE SAYS: As you have a young daughter you really do owe it to your family to focus on your marriage.
No long-term relationship can maintain the exciting desire of a new attraction. But there are many things you can do to strengthen a loving relationship – the best environment for any child.
When you have proper time, discuss how you would like to give your marriage another try. Stop chasing this other woman and mute her on Instagram – checking keeps you hooked into her life.
If you genuinely give your marriage your best effort and you still want to leave, only you will know when that time comes.
But this younger woman will need to work through her intense feelings of loss and grief before she can move on – especially with you.
My support pack How To Look After Your Relationship will help you and your wife.
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