Grief is Normal, No, You’re Not Overreacting
For some, losing a pet can feel even more devastating than losing a person. And that’s not an exaggeration—it’s a testament to the strength of the human-animal bond.
As per an AP report, pets can be “the being that they see every single day, that maybe sleeps on their bed, that they cuddle with on the couch,” says E.B. Bartels, author of Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter.
“There are people who feel more comfortable with animals than with people,” she adds. “So losing those relationships can be really, really difficult.”
The Best Support? Just Listen
People who haven’t had pets may not fully grasp the depth of such grief. While they may mean well, saying things like, “It was just an animal” or “They were lucky to have you” often only makes things worse.“You feel like you can’t talk about it because people aren’t really empathizing,” says Annalisa de Carteret, who manages a pet-loss support helpline for the UK-based Blue Cross charity.Instead of offering clichéd reassurances, de Carteret advises simply listening. “Just allow that person to talk about how they’re feeling, and you don’t need to comment,” she says. And definitely avoid phrases like, “Oh, you can get another pet” or “He had a good life.” As de Carteret puts it, grieving owners already know these things—they just want someone to acknowledge their pain.
Size Doesn’t Matter, All Bonds Are Valid
Never assume that someone’s grief should match the size, species, or lifespan of their pet. Love is love, whether it’s for a dog, a lizard, or even koi fish.
“My friend’s dad has a koi pond, and he loves these koi. He was so upset when a raccoon got in and killed all his koi one summer,” Bartels shares. “Some people would be like, ‘Oh, they’re just fish.’ But he loved these fish, you know?”
For many pet owners, their animal companion is their link to a community. Morning dog park visits can foster deep friendships, and when that routine is gone, the loneliness is more than just missing a pet—it’s missing an entire social structure.
Guilt: The Unspoken Burden
Blue Cross receives up to 30,000 calls a year from grieving pet owners, many of whom wrestle with guilt.
“Guilt is a really big part of pet loss,” de Carteret explains. Owners often wonder if they could have done more—taken their pet to the vet sooner, been more careful, or prevented an accident. Some even feel guilty for mourning their pet more than they did a human loved one.
“It’s really normal,” de Carteret reassures. But, she adds, “it feels wrong to say, doesn’t it? And people don’t want to share that.”
Can Another Pet Help?
Maybe. But don’t expect a new pet to be a quick fix.
Each animal has a unique personality, and replacing one with another doesn’t erase the grief. Some owners also find that the patience they once had for training a puppy or kitten just isn’t there anymore.
Grief follows its own timeline. “The sadness and memories can be lasting,” Bartels says. She lost her dog, Seymour, last June. “I’m sure I’ll have a hard time again in June when it’s the year anniversary of when we put him down.”
For de Carteret, keeping her late dog’s ashes by the fireplace—his favorite spot—brings comfort. “Some people will think that’s weird,” she says. “But, you know, that’s how I deal with it … You have to find the right way for you.”
At the end of the day, pet loss is real loss. And those who grieve deserve the same compassion and understanding as anyone mourning a loved one. Because, in many cases, that’s exactly what they lost.
Inputs from AP
