DEAR DEIDRE: MY mum has taken against my boyfriend because he is from an Asian family.
She wants me to split up with him and says everyone laughs at me behind my back.
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I am 20 and my boyfriend is 22. We have been together for almost two years.
Mum and I ended up having a massive row and I went to stay at my sister’s for a while.
I couldn’t stay at my dad’s because he has a new girlfriend who doesn’t let me visit.
Mum has always been difficult. I was raped when I was 14 and it had a terrible effect on my schoolwork until I had counselling which helped.
Yet Mum would say I was struggling with my work because I wasn’t trying hard enough and was looking for an excuse.
I never know what mood she will be in when I get home.
She keeps saying I am pathetic for even needing a boyfriend to be happy. She is 43.
Sometimes we get on great but I can’t cope with all the emotional abuse I get from her.
I want to move away with my boyfriend but I feel guilty for leaving her.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your mum sounds emotionally scarred – by the breakdown of her relationship with your dad and probably by other earlier experiences too.
But you shouldn’t feel you have to let her instability and racist views blight your own hopes of happiness.
Tell your mum that you and your boyfriend are happy together and she either accepts that or she will be driving a wedge between you.
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Be firm that she cannot bully you out of a relationship that’s right for you.
If she is unwilling or unable to meet you halfway, then moving away may be best for your happiness and peace of mind – but you will know you have tried.
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