Like any breed, Chihuahuas can be sweet, and they can be naughty. As the old poem goes, when they are good, they are very, very good, and when they are bad, they are horrid!
Keep this in mind as you read the story of Prancer, a 2-year-old fawn-colored Chihuahua currently living in New Jersey with veteran rescuer and foster mom, Tyfanee Fortuna.
In a hilarious and brutally honest Facebook post, Fortuna describes her home as a “demonic Chihuahua hellscape” ever since Prancer came along. The challenging pup joined Fortuna, her husband, and their seven dogs and 12 cats several months ago.
When he first came along, Prancer was “obese, wearing a cashmere sweater, with a bacon egg n cheese stuffed in his crate with him.” His elderly owner failed to socialize Prancer before passing away and unleashing the very nervous and confused pup upon the world.
The first week with Fortuna, poor Prancer was quiet and reserved…but then he got comfortable and became “a vessel for a traumatized Victorian child that now haunts our home,” the rescuer writes. So, just how much trouble can a 13-pound pocket pooch cause? Check out this hysterically descriptive excerpt from the now-viral adoption ad:
Prancer only likes women. Nothing else. He hates men more than women do, which says a lot. If you have a husband don’t bother applying, unless you hate him. Prancer has lived with a man for 6 months and still has not accepted him. He bonds to a woman/women, and takes his job of protection seriously. He offers better protection than capitol security. This also extends to other animals. Have other dogs? Cats? Don’t apply unless they like being shaken up like a ragdoll by a 13lb rage machine. This may be confusing to people, as he currently lives with my other 7 dogs and 12 cats. That’s because we have somewhat come to an agreement that it’s wrong to attack the other animals. But you know that episode of The Office where Michael Scott silently whispers “I’ll kill you.” to Toby? That’s Prancer having to begrudgingly coexist with everyone when I’m around.
We also mentioned no kids for Prancer. I think at this point, you can imagine why. He’s never been in the presence of a child, but I can already imagine the demonic noises and shaking fury that would erupt from his body if he was. Prancer wants to be your only child.
But don’t worry, Fortuna is careful to point out Prancer’s positive traits, too:
He is loyal beyond belief, although to tell you a secret his complex is really just a facade for his fear. If someone tried to kill you I can guarantee he would run away screeching. But as far as companionship, you will never be alone again. He likes to go for car rides, he is housebroken, he knows a few basic commands, he is quiet and non destructive when left alone at home, and even though we call him bologna face he is kind of cute to look at.
View the delightful post in its entirety here:
Believe it or not, Fortuna’s naked honesty works! Prancer now has several adoption inquiries from all over the world, thanks to her writing skills. However, as the post explains, Prancer cannot go to just anyone. This “Chucky doll in a dog’s body” must be adopted by a person or couple living within two hours of New Jersey. Fortuna says this is because “we need the adopter to be able to meet him in person, maybe a couple of times to bond with him and make sure we are able to help support his adjustment.”
If you meet the criteria listed in the post and are interested in adopting your very own “haunted Victorian child,” contact Second Chance Pet Adoption League at email@example.com. Keep in mind, at only 2-years-old, Prancer is likely to “live to be 21 through pure spite.”