Are you having enough sex in your relationship?
It’s a question that can cause arguments between couples – and can even lead to separation.
In her latest column, love guru Nadia Bokody cited research from The Journal Of Sex & Marital Therapy.
The study found 47% of divorcees cited a lack of intimacy as a reason for their split.
And according to the sexpert, this upset could have been avoided if there was more communication about libido.
In a first-person piece for news.com.au, she said: “One of the biggest complaints I hear from unhappily married readers, is that their libido is mismatched with their spouse’s. People deliver this information to me as though completely scandalised by it.”
Nadia continued: “How could their partner want it so much less than they do? Why is the sex so mind-numbingly boring? How can they be expected to continue on this way?!?
“I always think this is a little like interviewing a prospective employee and neglecting to grill them on their time management skills, then being surprised when they start showing up to work late and missing deadlines.
“In truth, we’re spectacularly bad at talking to our partners about things that really matter, and nowhere is this more pronounced than in the complete lack of discussion most couples have around sex.”
The columnist is often sent messages asking her “how much sex is normal” in a relationship.
But the answer to this question is more complicated than you may think.
A study in The Archives Of Sexual Behaviour suggests the average adult has sex 54 times a year.
But this doesn’t necessarily mean this you should be having this much intimacy.
Nadia explained “not everyone has the same investment in sex” so the “right amount” varies from person to person.
Those with high libidos may crave romps twice a day, while others are satisfied by getting jiggy once a month.
There’s nothing wrong with either of these approaches – it’s just important to find a partner whose sex drive is compatible with yours.
Nadia’s advice is to have an upfront conversation with your partner about your needs.
The honesty will make you a lot less likely to spend “nights staring at the ceiling” or thinking about cheating.
The sexpert added: “It’s never too late to talk about the thing that matters most in your relationship – whether you’ve waited two years to get honest, or two decades.”