Hard to see why anyone would attempt such a daunting, virtually impossible task like assessing the literal mountain of enemies that Mario has booped atop the bonce over the years and coming up with any sort of definitive ranking. Truly, that little red twerp has walked on more heads than the Dillinger Escape Plan at a 2005 Virgin Megastore show. But lo and behold, someone – a very brave so-and-so – has not only made an attempt at putting the bad guys of the Mario Universe in order, but they have done so in possibly the most public forum possible: At a dedicated PAX Online panel.
In the wee hours of the Australian morning, the gang at Nintendo World Report used their allotted time at the mammoth PAX Online event to whittle the list of dudes bad enough to step to Mario down to just ten.
In their panel – aptly titled 35 Years of Stomps – panelists Neal Ronaghan, Zach Miller, Justin Berube, and John Rairdin made their case for what their ultimate top ten Mario enemies would be. And for those of you hoping for a little long-overdue Koopa Troopa time in the sun, you’re out of luck.
The final top ten list – left unordered, but more on that in a minute – does a fairly decent job of covering the three-and-a-half decades of Mario antagonists; ticking off the requisite greatest hits, while finding space for a rogue bolter or two.
The top ten, in no particular order, is as follows:
- Donkey Kong
- Dry Bones
- Shy Guys
- Piranha Plant
- Anti Guy
I mean, look.
Sure. Technically – I suppose – those two goofballs are something a little bit more than your basic enemies. But if we’re including Donkey Kong – DONKEY KONG – on this list of pure bad guys, then where the hell is the love for Mario and Luigi’s direct mirrors? We’re giving Anti Guy that benefit of the doubt, but we’re not giving it to Wario or Waluigi? Come on, dudes.
The final list of ten still needs to be placed in specific ranking, and the Nintendo World Report gang wants public input on getting that done. So if you feel like, oh I don’t know, hopelessly rigging the list in Lakitu’s favour, the floor is yours.
You can find the voting form for said top ten list right here.