But it’s not the political leaders, or the high rent, or the dysfunctional MTA, or the summer trash vapors or winter slush that have me headed straight for the Lincoln Tunnel like a bat out of hell.
It’s the fact that New Yorkers’ preferred Thanksgiving dish is a heaping, fibrous, cold pile of salad.
A new House Method survey of Google searches broken down by state has revealed this dark truth. It found that salad, more than any other savory dish, is the most popular Thanksgiving meal among New Yorkers — not turkey, not mashed potatoes, not the yams with the marshmallows toasted on top, not even Brussels sprouts, which, admittedly, are salad-adjacent, but certainly not some disastrous bowl of arugula tossed with pathetic vinaigrette.
I have nothing against salads, personally. I’ll eat them 364 days of the year if I have to. Give me the Caesar with the real anchovies. Give me a crisp radicchio with a balanced orange balsamic. Give it to me chopped.
But on Thanksgiving? Give me a plate of varying shades of brown: turkey, gravy, buttered rolls, mashed potatoes, green beans cooked so long and hard they’re brown, too. More gravy.
Like Trump, I too, cherish New York and the people of New York, and always will. But Thanksgiving is neither the time nor the place for salads. And it’s a sad state of affairs that the Sweetgreen takeover of our city has warped the very fabric of our national identity, turning a beloved holiday into nothing more than a sad desk lunch.
You want to know what the most popular dish is in the salad capital of the world? In California, it’s yams. Yams. Even Jersey has the sense to favor roasted turkey. And Florida, where Trump and his family will reside once his term is up? Roasted turkey as well, the survey found.
All I know is, if salad’s in this turkey day, I’m out.
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