Alex was studying transport management in Boston when he first came across Amanda in 2001. They belonged to the same internet forum for railway enthusiasts. “At the time it was a hobby dominated by men and a lot of women who did join disguised themselves,” says Alex. “I remember seeing Amanda’s name and thinking it was great that she could be herself.”
There was an AOL chatroom within the message board, and they began to talk. A New Yorker, Amanda had always been interested in transport systems. For several years they chatted online, but neither expected it to turn into more. “She was dating a subway operator and I told her to be careful because the railroad life can be really tough,” he says.
By 2006, Amanda had embarked on a career in business journalism. Alex was working for an engineering contractor and travelling regularly from Boston to New York to look for secure jobs. Both were single. One day in early 2007, Alex asked her permission to flirt. “When he asked if he could hit on me I was a bit taken aback, but thought: ‘why not?’” says Amanda.
Alex was “actively seeking a new partner” and keen to explore whether their friendship might develop into more. Amanda began to dig deeper into his interests. “He was very intriguing,” she says. “I’d only lived in New York and he was such a worldly person. He had been living all over the world and had interesting stories to tell.”
After years of chatting online, they agreed to meet that spring outside K Mart in Penn station, New York, for a day out. “We rode the subway down to Coney Island and walked around,” says Amanda. “I took him on the Staten Island ferry and we rode around on the railway there.”
Alex was impressed by her fearlessness. “I had only lived in smaller cities and was a bit intimidated by some parts of New York.”
A few weeks later, he drove his rickety 1988 Volvo down to visit her again and she showed him around Long Island, where she lived. They became a long-distance couple, until Alex accepted a job with the New York Transit Authority in July 2007.
“I was living at home with my mum and grandmother and asked if he wanted to be a lodger,” says Amanda. For Alex, it was a leap into the unknown and the adjustment wasn’t easy. “I’d lived on my own for so long that I struggled,” he says. “Amanda seemed more family-oriented.” Six months later, Alex moved out again and the couple took a break from the relationship. They stayed friends and met now and again for dinner. But by 2009, they slowly began to realise they wanted to be together. “I could tell we both felt we should make it work,” says Amanda.
That September, Alex invited Amanda to meet him at Penn station where they first met. She was expecting a friendly dinner and was shocked when he proposed. “He pulled out an origami box he had made out of metro cards. I was so busy looking at the pretty box it took me ages to open it,” she says, laughing. “We hadn’t discussed it, but I knew it was right so I said yes.”
In 2010, they focused on travelling, and then bought a home of their own in 2013 – the day before their wedding. Their children were born in 2017 and 2020.
“Alex has made my life so much more adventurous,” says Amanda. “He’s expanded my horizons and I didn’t realise how insular my world was before I met him.”
In turn, Alex says Amanda makes him a better person. “She has helped me to develop my emotional intelligence. I’ve grown as a person and I don’t think anyone else could have done that. We are always finding out new things about each other.”
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