A man has taken to Reddit to ask for advice after finding out his police officer wife had sex with someone while she was working undercover.
The man said he and his wife have been together for 12 years and that she was already working in the force when he met her.
But he “never had an issue with it”.
Eventually she moved to undercover work, which he said he again had no issue as she was still home at the same time every day.
He explained that seven years ago his wife was asked to do longer term work as part of her undercover project and was away for just over a month.
The husband wrote online: “We discussed it and I wasn’t comfortable with it but I agreed, seeing it as part of her career.
“That time passed without any major event and it was the last time she ever did that.”
However, the man said recently his wife told him she needed to confess something.
He continued: “She told me that during the course of her work she had sex with a man three times, once it was just oral and the other two times they had penetrative sex too.
“They did not use condoms but she insists she took measures to ensure she wasn’t pregnant and had herself tested long before her and I did anything.
“She says it was necessary every time and it was necessary to maintain her cover.”
The man said he’s not sure how to process the bombshell.
He added: “She insists it was necessary as part of her work and I understand that and I do believe her, she’s never been unfaithful before.
“That being said I’m still very uncomfortable, I asked her if she had feelings or attraction or anything like that, she said she found him attractive but insists she didn’t have any real feelings for him and it was all just work.”
The man said he was “currently leaning towards a divorce” – saying he feels “awful” as he sill loves his wife and knows she loves him.
However, he said he doesn’t think he can get past what she did.
He asked fellow Reddit users: ” Am I wrong for doing this? Is there something else we could try?
“I considered suggesting counselling but I know myself, I really don’t think I can let this go, it’s too much.”
He then added an after-note to the piece, writing: “Few extra things to point out. She by her own words wasn’t in danger, just her job was.
“She claims not to have enjoyed giving oral sex and she said the first time she actually had sex with him she was too nervous to really feel much but she did let it slip that she enjoyed the third and final encounter enough to orgasm, though she said it was due to stimulation and nothing else.
“That feels like a major betrayal to me and it’s why I’m so uncomfortable with the acts.”
Many people in the comments section told the man his wife had still “cheated”, despite being at work.
One wrote: “You should process it the same way anyone processes infidelity. You did not consent to her having sex with other people just because it’s at work.
“She cheated and lied about it for a significant amount of time. The fact that she is downplaying it is truly horrible.
“To me that says she doesn’t really think she did anything that wrong. It’s hard enough to repair a marriage after infidelity. It’s even harder when the guilty party is acting like the infidelity was no big deal.”
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While another added: “Why is this different to someone sleeping with their boss to get a promotion? Or going out to be a prostitute? Just because she considered it part of her work doesn’t make it not a violation of your marriage and trust…”
A third chimed in: “What you described is unequivocally infidelity, sir.”
The husband originally wrote back to the comments: “I’m hesitant to call it infidelity as it’s more complicated than that, still I’m not happy. She kept this from me for years and she knows full well I would never have agreed to this up front.”
However, he later had a change of heart, adding: “After some thought and reading the responses I do feel like it’s cheating.”
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