West Indies v England: second Test, day five – live! | Sport

39.5 overs: England 185-6 ( Foakes 11, Woakes 9) England lead by 281 Eight overs since the last boundary and many complaints from those who want to check what is happening in City v Southampton and the Grand Prix. Ah, hang on – here come the covers again as the rain starts to fall. They’ll take lunch and I’ll haul my numb body off the sofa. Back shortly.

39th over: England 181-6 ( Foakes 9, Woakes 7) England lead by 277 Seales continues to bowl wide, and, well, nothing much happens.

“We couldn’t work out why the car kept running out of petrol,” taps Dominic O’Reilly. “ Finally, a wise mechanic asked my Dad to take him through his usual car starting routine. Turns out he would pull the choke out to the max, drive round with it like that and then push it back in when returning home.”

37th over: England 176-6 ( Foakes 7, Woakes 4) England lead by 272 England mill fitfully on the boundary, waiting for Woakes and Foakes to get ‘em in singles.

“Afternoon Tanya.” Kim Thonger, hello.

“I have an entirely different recollection to that of your other correspondents. In every car I drove or owned pre 1982 the choke was a non functional object of blame, serving merely to be chastised for causing lateness for school/work/date/choir/cricket etc. In some vehicles the battery was an alternative scapegoat. Until acquiring a wife who had a knack for internal combustion engines I never had a car with a reliable battery AND a functioning choke. They simply did not exist and I will fight anyone who claims they did. The moral is in my view if you want a mechanical device to work, let a female be in charge.”

I like the way this conversation is going.

37th over: England 170-6 ( Foakes 4, Woakes 1) England lead by 266 Lawrence turns down the single – declaration imminent? – only to hole out to one legged pat-a-cake. Woakes joins Foakes for a few singles and… England bat on.

A back-foot dog-leg shot to long on.

36th over: England 167-5 (Lawrence 41, Foakes 2) England lead by 263 It’s the two Essex boys, with Chris Woakes left watching on the balcony. Just five off Holder’s over, as Root watches from the balcony wearing some kind of back corset.

“Hi Tanya. Maybe everyone knows this already…but perhaps useful to share: I’ve just discovered that (in France, at least) the test match is live streamed for free on Youtube by Windies Cricket”

Thank you so much Michael Anderson!

35th over: England 162-5 (Lawrence 38, Foakes 0) England lead by 258 Sharp comeback from Seales, whose loosener was greeted by the flashing blade of Lawrence, and smashed straight for six. He followed up with a toe-crusher next ball, and then the wicket. Great cameo from Bairstow.

“Hello from damp Rhode Island, where the time-zone difference from Barbados works in my favour.”

Good afternoon Tat Wood.

“When Tim Saunders asked, I thought of ‘skeuomorphism’ but that’s mainly for design-features (the ‘save’ symbol being a floppy disc, for example) and went looking for the verbal equivalent. Apparently, there isn’t one. There was an attempt to make ‘idiomatisation’ do the job but that was like trying to make ‘fetch’ happen.

“Next time it rains, maybe we can all try to invent a catchy word for it and spread it.

“Re. older cars, I remember when the Morris Minor and others had a thing called a ‘Trafficator’, in lieu of indicators – it was a little ‘arm’ with reflectors that came out of the side of the car to show which way you were turning. It was spring-loaded and pulled back with magnets.”

Another super catch in the deep as Bairstow bellows the ball down to long off.

34th over: England 152-4 (Lawrence 29, Bairstow 28) England lead by 248 The England brains trust (Root, Trescothick, Collingwood) is mulling over the numbers. Much chin scratching and whispering behind hands. Holder makes the most of the red-ball rules and sends a couple of balls wide of leg stump which Bairstow can’t muscle on to.

33rd over: England 148-4 (Lawrence 28, Bairstow 25) Bairstow is rocking now, all ginger bristle, – two consecutive sixes , one over deep square, the other a yorker boomed back over Joseph’s head , followed by a one-handed skiff for a single. The lead heads towards 250.

32nd over: England 133-4 (Lawrence 27, Bairstow 11) Time for some of Jason Holder’s nice and neat running stitch. Lawrence opens the face and plays an ugly but useful four.

31st over: England 126-4 (Lawrence 22, Bairstow 9) Bairstow, barrel-chested, pivots his club and… inside edges Joseph inches from his stumps and down for four.

“I am also of a certain age as the French might say,” writes Adrian Goldman, “and remember the choke as well. But I think it increased the amount of air flowing in, not fuel. Google would know but I am assuming an undergraduate degree in chemistry might lead to the right answer.

“And while on the subject of cars: I have an electric one – and yes, you can jump it because it has a low voltage dc battery to power lights and the like. If that’s flat, your car is sol.

“That’s my considered non expert opinion.”

30th over: England 118-4 (Lawrence 20, Bairstow 3) Roach thunders in a couple of yorkers, but Lawrence shimmies to drive the third through extra cover for a couple. Another boundary-lite over though.

“I am old enough to remember starting handles,” copperplates Simon. “Many years ago, a friend of my father reversed into a snow drift and blocked the exhaust with ice and stalled the engine. Being quick thinking he thought ‘I know, the starting handle will clear that’, so getting out the starting handle he inserted it into the exhaust pipe and gave it a few quick turns. Turning round he saw our boys in blue, they asked him what he was doing. ‘ Just trying to start my car’, he replied. They breathalysed him.”

29th over: England 114-4 (Lawrence 17, Bairstow 2) England can’t wriggle to Joseph to the boundary, so are content with a scattering of singles.

Hello Matthew Dunnill!
“I love to while away the hours with the OBO – but wow you guys make me feel poor sometimes! And now old as well!

“I’m not even 40 and have had 2 cars with chokes – only recently did I get one with any sort of electrics – never mind an ACTUAL ELECTRIC CAR!

“Wow it’s grim up north.

“ Anyway – I can’t believe we haven’t got a nice rhyme about how we hope Stokes, Woakes and Foakes don’t choke yet…”

There’s still time Matthew, still time.

28th over: England 110-4 (Lawrence 15, Bairstow 0) England continuing to throw the bat and continuing to lose wickets – the lead is 206 though so another fifty will be enough to set the match up. We’re due another hour before lunch because of the rain.

Stokes guns for an extremely wide ball from Roach and pings it straight to Brathwaite at cover, who gathers low down on his haunches.

27th over: England 107-3 ( Lawrence 13, Stokes 18) One from the final ball of Roach’s unfinished over.

We have our word! Two correspondents at exactly the same time:

“It’s possible,” writes Greg John. “ that Tim Sanders is thinking of skeuomorphism which, according to interaction-design.org, is a term most often used in graphical user interface design to describe interface objects that mimic their real-world counterparts in how they appear and/or how the user can interact with them. A well-known example is the recycle bin icon used for discarding files”

On a different note, I feel duly upbraided by those cricket fans telling me that if I don’t like incredibly boring, eventless, and predicable Test matches I’m not a real fan. I bet Robert Wilson et al will be gutted if England declare soon and then attempt to bowl out the Windies in nailbiting fashion.”

On the OBO, everyone is invited. Moving quickly onwards…

Tim Sanders himself, “Hello again Tanya ! I’ve remembered !! t’s ‘skeuomorphic’ which I think is a great word. Visually, it’s a decorative feature retained from the nature of the original material or method; but no longer functional. Like imitation stitching on a plastic sofa cover. Language has its own equivalent thing, and I reckon we’ll be ‘warming up engines’ and getting our metaphorical motors running long after we’ve fixed the climate crisis.”

Paul Lakin also remembers the choke era: “I’m not even remotely mechanically minded but probably count as an older reader. Wasn’t the choke a way of letting more petrol into the engine – leading to the timeless mantra “Give it more choke, go on give it a bit more choke, more choke….oh now you’ve flooded it”. Amazing that cars ever caught on really…”

On a similar theme, can you jump start an electric car? My childhood was full of people borrowing/using jump leads.

In Barbados, a man in a long yellow macintosh is pushing a roller around the ground and the covers are being peeled off.

“A choke,” writes Ian Mills knowledgeably, “was a cable from the dashboard to the carburettor, pulling on the cable richened the mixture being fed into the engine to make it start from cold. Modern cars use fuel injection instead of carburettors.”

Ali reports that it is bright outside in Barbados but the covers are still on.

“Hello Tanya.” Tim Sanders, hello.

“In response to John Starbuck, I think petrol engine metaphors are likely to outlive the technology. It’s for the same reason that people with no knowledge of cricket might talk of ‘a safe pair of hands’ who will meet a deadline ‘before close of play’ possibly even in spite of ‘a sticky wicket’. Or young people who have never put paper in a filing cabinet know what it is to click on a ‘folder’ icon. The phrases have a life of their own, independent of their origins. There’s a cultural term for this sort of thing which escapes me. I’ll get back to you when I remember it, unless anyone else can help ?”

“Good afternoon, Tanya.” Hello Phil Sawyer.

“Your older reader may remember the days of not only having to warm up the engine but also having to pull the choke out just to start the thing in the first place. The choke, of course, …erm…. actually, not being mechanically minded I’ve no idea what the choke actually did. Neither, as far as I could tell, did Pa Sawyer. From sustained observation, its only function in life was to have no effect on the engine whatsoever while causing him to choke with ensuing rage.”

I tried to find a picture of a choke in the Guardian’s picture library but it is only offering me something quite unsavoury from Las Vegas. So here is a nostalgic youtube video of how to use the choke on Triumph Spitfire.

It is still raining by the way.

26.5 overs: England 106-3 ( Lawrence 12, Stokes 18) Whoopy-doop, Lawrence oils the shoulders and swings a huge six over midwicket before the rain starts again.

26th over: England 99-3 ( Lawrence 6, Stokes 17) Roach is the unfortunate recipient as Stokes decides to throw the bat: FOUR (over extra cover) and SIX (a pick-up and flick over midwicket). A no ball , a wide, and a fistful of quick singles don’t improve Roach’s mood.

25th over: England 80-3 ( Lawrence 3, Stokes 3) Joseph whips some extra something out of the pitch and beats Lawrence’s bat. Lawrence also survives a final-ball bottom-edge which somehow bagatelles past his stumps.

“I’m very proud to see the kickback against all the sledging about how boring this Test is to watch,” taps Robert Wilson with a happy smile. “ You can’t spend your time making fun of T20 and the Hundred and then throw a wobbly because things go a bit Chris Tavaré for a day or two. This is the biscuit. The wheat revels in it, the chaff are all swiping right on their smartphones in a froth of existential dread. People who like this are people who like cricket.

“Told you soing is neither clever nor charming but Jeez did I call it on Brathwaite a couple of days ago (‘Recalcitrance is where he lives’). Wish I’d put the mortgage on the predictable git.”

24th over: England 78-3 ( Lawrence 2, Stokes 2) Roach aims wide but neither Lawrence and Stokes can get full bat on ball.

While we wait, here’s some intriguing colour from Ali in Barbados:

On day four the Barbados tourist board staged an exhibition of Road Tennis at lunch on a stage to the left of the media centre. Played on the ground – tarmac, asphalt or concrete – and using a 21 x 10ft court with an 8in ‘net’ made of wood, it originated in the 1930s when locals from the working class communities watched lawn tennis being enjoyed by the island’s elite. They then procured some balls, began playing with their hands and a new code of the sport was spawned.

Necessity is the mother of invention and soon these pioneers realised that by stripping the yellow felt from the tennis balls – leaving just the bouncy rubber inner – and using wooden paddles, they had a fast-paced game that was cheap and fun. The rules are similar to table tennis, with either singles or doubles and the aim to reach 21 points, with service alternating every five.

These days there is a Barbados Road Tennis Association and a national tournament every year to coincide with the independence day celebrations on 30 November. The ministry of sport estimates there are over 1,000 players on the island, be it those who take it seriously or simply as a hobby, and there is growing ambition to one day see it feature in the Olympics.

Road Tennis requires a strong core and fast reflexes, with players stooping throughout its rapid rallies. This demonstration was being staged at the Malcolm Marshall End of the ground and it is said that the legendary former fast bowler himself was a keen player back in the day, using it to keep up his fitness and hand-eye skills during the off-season.

23.2 overs: England 76-3 ( Lawrence 1, Stokes 1) Brathwaite switches his bowlers about as Roach is thrown the ball, but he only gets a couple of deliveries before the rain starts to fall and the covers are run on by groundsman in colourful rain gear.

“Your metaphor about too much accelerator before the engine perks up makes me wonder how long such language will last’” writes John Starbuck.

“ As a driver of an EV for several years now I can foresee a time when explanations are going to be needed, when the engine doesn’t have to be warmed up at all – it is there and ready always. Like using Cockney rhyming slang; the original references having long faded, I expect that, like playing cricket by the changing Laws across the decades, we shall just have to adapt.”

I did wonder that as I wrote it, even in relation to petrol cars. They don’t seem to sit and have to warm up and be coaxed into action like they used to.

23rd over: England 76-3 ( Lawrence 1, Stokes 1) Joseph takes over from Holder and strikes with his third ball, his second pinged through the covers for a glorious four by Crawley. England have now lost three wickets in the first half hour of the day.

Fab-u-lous catch by Seales, sprinting forwards and holding onto the catch by his boot laces as he thudded onto the turf, as Crawley launches into a pull.

22nd over: England 70-2 ( Crawley 36, Lawrence 1) The ball after Root polka-ed gaily down the pitch to whack Permaul back over his head for four, he is done by some overspin. England certainly going for quick runs here.

Another slog-sweep, an ungainly hack which loops to Campbell at midwicket.

21st over: England 63-1 ( Crawley 33, Root 5) A miserly over by Holder until Crawley gets hold of the last ball and miscues a pull, top-edging one over the boundary.

The ground staff, Ali reports, are poised by the covers.

20th over: England 58-1 ( Crawley 29, Root 4) Three fairly pedestrian singles off Permaul.

New horizons for Chris Silverwood it seems, as the Sri Lankan men’s team comes a-knocking.

19th over: England 55-1 ( Crawley 28, Root 2) Holder manages to extract some extra bounce which will catch Joe Root’s eye, one ball squeaking off the top of Crawley’s bat as he defends.

Martyn Lester writes: “You quote Mark Butcher as saying that “The pitch is scared, it is broken up, it is worn away…”

“What – it’s soiling itself? Quaking in its roots?
Or was the word Butch actually uttered perhaps ’scarred’?”

You’ve got me. But a scared pitch might make for a more fruity final day.

18th over: England 53-1 ( Crawley 25, Root 2) Root is off the mark straight away with a squeeze towards third man. That wasn’t a shot Lees will remember too fondly, putting his foot on the accelerator before the engine was perky.

A slog sweep that falls flat.

17th over: England 50-0 (Lees 24, Crawley 25) West Indies hold onto a slip and a gully, while handing the ball to Jason Holder, who appears at the stumps like a sudden sandstorm over the horizon. Holder bowls wide and Lees waits, leans, and sends the ball spinning through cover point for four. A couple more and that’s the fifty partnership from 101 balls – a fine starting stat to slip in the jacket pocket and riches indeed compared to a few months ago.

“I completely understand why people are finding this match boring,” writes Robert Ellson, “and the worries about the detrimental effects poor pitches have on the future of the game are completely valid. It’s not a “good advert for Test cricket”, as the saying goes.

But does everything have to be an advert? Taking it on its own terms, there’s been a lot to admire. Brathwaite’s concentration was fantastic. Leach’s perseverance similarly so. Stokes rising above the conditions on the second day was absolutely spectacular: a really great innings. It’s certainly been a test of endurance for spectators, but part of Test cricket’s infinite variety is that it’s a test of endurance. I watched almost every ball yesterday, got up to make a cup of tea and missed Mahmood’s first test wicket. I lost concentration just as Jason Holder did. If you struggled as a spectator (or an OBO reporter!) yesterday it gives you an ersatz experience of what the challenge is for the players.

Would you want all Test matches to be like this? No. But nor would I want them all to be Iike the one in Chennai(?) last winter where it was such a dustbowl that Root took 5-6 and England were immediately 0-2 after three balls of spin in their innings (with the third being an overturned DRS decision!) But there’s room in Test cricket’s infinite variety for both kinds of game, and everything in between.”

Wise words indeed.

16th over: England 43-0 (Lees 18, Crawley 24) Permaul twists the ball from left hand to right and wheels in. A couple on the money then Crawley kneads one through the leg-side for a confidence-boosting three.

A message arrives all the way from lovely Barbados. Over to you Craig Keeley – you lucky, lucky man!

“Morning everyone

I know it’s become standard to whinge about the pitch/captain/play during this Test but this is day five of my first ever overseas match (after 30 years of saying ‘We’re definitely going to the next one’) and I’ve pretty much been thrilled for every second of it.

“It’s Test cricket. Therefore it’s fab. As Descartes once said.
Also, I’m sporting the same T-shirt/pants combo I was wearing at Headingly in 2019 so remain very very confident a miracle is about to happen.”

We heard it here first! Thanks Craig, enjoy every moment please have a rum punch for me.

This, I think, is a call for Matt Parkinson, who spent 2020-21 carrying the drinks for England and is at risk of doing it again in the Caribbean.

So, what will Joe Root do? Put on his red-ball reset gambling gloves? Play it safe in hope of pushing for a result next week in Grenada – though rumours predict another batter’s dream of a pitch.

Discuss.

Carlos Brathwaite says he’d “bowl wide to make England come after the ball, but play it safe.”

Steven Finn’s view: “ I think England’s plan is going to be to press on, push the game forward, they’ve got 25 overs to get as many runs as they can if they want to give themselves a chance of bowling West Indies today.”

So.

Mark Butcher is down at the pitch with his metaphorical car keys:

“The pitch is scarred, it is broken up, it is worn away, however we still haven’t see the ball spinning sharply on a regular basis. Also, bowling from the Malcolm Marshall end there are a couple of bare patches.”

We glance at run-chases down the year at Bridgetown – there have only ever been two successful chases over 200. So England, be bold!

If you missed the overnight drama from Eden Park, here is Raf report of how England managed to limp to victory from the jaws of defeat.

Hello and – ahem, wake up the at the back – welcome to the final day of the second Test between West Indies and England

It’s been… attritional. Kraigg Brathwaite’s 710-minute innings of grunt and grind put him only behind Brian Lara’s two record-breaking triple-quadruple hundreds in terms of balls at the crease; and there was precious little in it for England as they tasted the rare juices of the third new ball.

But if the last two days have been akin to constantly being presented with a cup of tepid, mid-brown, medium-strength tea, here we have the chance of something a little more sparky. If Crawley and Lees (and the rest) can find some pizazz to stretch England’s current lead of 136 to something more intimidating, and the pitch crumbles, and West Indies wobble – well, anything could happen. In the last Test West Indies were set 286 in 71 overs, and finished 147-4 – read whatever runes you like from that.

See you here at 1:30pm GMT; play starts half an hour later.